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Ahh, dating. It’s hard to think of anything the average person looks forward to more—or is more nervous about—than getting to know the object of their affection. Add in any kind of complication—diabetes, for example—and the stress meter goes through the roof!
So how do you handle the subject of diabetes when you are dating? I went to Janis Roszler, co-author of “The Secrets of Living and Loving with Diabetes” for expert advice. A registered dietitian, certified diabetes educator and insulin pump trainer, Roszler hosts a radio show in Florida and writes the popular “Dear Janis” column for “Diabetes Positive!” magazine.
According to Roszler, the first questions are, “Should you tell someone new you have diabetes? When—and how—do you tell? After all, nobody lays all their cards on the table on a first date. It’s up to you when to disclose.
But hiding your diabetes can be dangerous. “I know a man who made a date on the Internet,” Roszler says. “They agreed to meet for dinner. He didn’t want her to know he had diabetes, so he took his insulin shot before he went into the restaurant. It led to total disaster. Dinner was delayed, drinks were served and the next thing he knew he was waking up outside, lying in the bushes. He had a bad insulin reaction and behaved so strangely the bouncer threw him out. His date went home with somebody else and when he called her the next day to explain, she didn’t want to hear it.”
Roszler recommends that you relax, be yourself and do what you normally do without comment. “If you’re meeting for dinner, do what you normally do before dinner. Test your blood sugar. Give yourself your injection. If your date asks what you’re doing, just say you have diabetes and let it go at that. If you’re comfortable with it, they’ll assume it’s no big deal. Be confident and relaxed and the other person will pick up on your attitude.
“On the other hand, if you launch into a big lecture about diabetes and how horrible it is, they’ll react to that. Keep in mind that your date is there to get to know you, not to learn all about diabetes. And diabetes is only a small part of who you are.”
Roszler gives an example of how this approach worked for a couple she knows. “The woman told me she probably wouldn’t have gone on the first date if she’d known he had diabetes,” Roszler says. “At dinner he took out his syringe, which he had in a toothbrush holder, and laid it on the table. She thought he was really into dental hygiene. When she asked about it, he just said, ‘Oh I have diabetes, that’s my insulin,’ and moved on to the next topic. ‘It seemed like something he had totally under control,’ she said. ‘He acted like I didn’t need to worry about it—so I didn’t.’ They’ve been married for 14 years.
“Of course, everyone is afraid that someone will reject them because they have diabetes,” Roszler says. “But if they don’t want you, you don’t want them. It won’t work out anyway, and they won’t be there for you in case of an emergency.
“Remember that this person you’re meeting has issues too,” Roszler adds. “Everyone has their own baggage. There may be things they’re nervous about telling you.”
When a relationship reaches the stage of intimacy, new issues arise. No matter how bold and confident someone may seem, sex makes everyone nervous—especially the first time with a new partner. And it’s well known that diabetes can affect the sexual responses of both men and women.
“If you’re a man and you have an erection issue, talk to your doctor,” Roszler says. “There is a treatment that will work for most men. If you’re a woman and you have difficulty lubricating, there are wonderful lubricants you can buy over the counter.”
The bottom line? “You can have an active, wonderful social life with diabetes,” Roszler says. “Just relax and be who you are!”
Remember that a date is not supposed to be a test—it’s supposed to be fun! Don’t worry about “how the date turns out.” Smile, laugh and enjoy it!
